Hello world.
Before I say anything more, I would like to apologize. I am super cranky today, and I just can't handle my emotions. Aside from getting virtually no homework done last night (the school's computer server was down), I also found out that my husband has to work on my birthday. He asked for the day off, but so many people asked for that day off that, well, someone had to work. That someone is him.
I'm really having a hard time accepting that I'll be home alone eating Ramen on my couch on my birthday. It doesn't seem fair. It feels like a punishment. Will it steal my joy? No. But I have to say, I'm feeling discouraged.
So, instead of pretending all is well and writing something poetic and hopeful, I decided to just tell it like it is this morning. Nobody's life is perfect, and we can't expect them to be. Next month, when I'm looking for ways to make money by writing during a few weeks without employment, I won't even be thinking about this day.
I apologize because this is my last post for about a month, and it's not a great one. I have to finish this semester strong, and then I plan to get some hours in with the schools. So I'm sorry to leave you this way. If you haven't been around for long, please go back and read some of my previous posts. If you like what you read, please hit the little "follow" button. Or subscribe. You will be notified next time I post, and that way you won't miss a thing once I'm back. Also, it's always encouraging to gain more followers. You guys push me to do better.
See you in a month.
Showing posts with label plans. Show all posts
Showing posts with label plans. Show all posts
Tuesday, April 30, 2013
Tuesday, April 2, 2013
Pointing the Finger
Bad moods have the tendency to keep us from seeing things in the proper perspective.
Today is one of those days.
After reading Dr. Gary Chapman's The Five Love Languages before getting married, I became a firm believer in love languages. I had thought that mine had something to do with getting one-on-one time with loved ones, and found that mine was Quality Time. So after a week of my husband working all night and a weekend of sharing him with friends and family, I was excited to spend the day with him on Monday. However, when he called work to get his hours for the week he found out he was scheduled to work, even though he had asked for it off. I hate to admit it, but I was inconsolably disappointed.
I wasn't angry with him, it wasn't his fault. After calling about seven different people who claimed they couldn't work his shift, he ended up going in and leaving me home alone for the night. This isn't the first time our plans have been cancelled because of a scheduling mistake or a last-minute phone call. Mostly, I felt let down by these people who he cancels plans to work for all the time, but who then won't do the same for him.
I've been thinking a lot about our culture that has sold itself to an entitlement mentality. Everyone tends to put themselves first without really considering others. Even I'm guilty of this more often than I would probably like to admit.
So, as much as I would like for someone to go in and talk to my husband's coworkers about teamwork and dedication, I realize that it's important for me to think of where I could give more of myself as well. It takes the effort of individuals to make a team function at its best. And I am my own responsibility.
Today is one of those days.
After reading Dr. Gary Chapman's The Five Love Languages before getting married, I became a firm believer in love languages. I had thought that mine had something to do with getting one-on-one time with loved ones, and found that mine was Quality Time. So after a week of my husband working all night and a weekend of sharing him with friends and family, I was excited to spend the day with him on Monday. However, when he called work to get his hours for the week he found out he was scheduled to work, even though he had asked for it off. I hate to admit it, but I was inconsolably disappointed.
I wasn't angry with him, it wasn't his fault. After calling about seven different people who claimed they couldn't work his shift, he ended up going in and leaving me home alone for the night. This isn't the first time our plans have been cancelled because of a scheduling mistake or a last-minute phone call. Mostly, I felt let down by these people who he cancels plans to work for all the time, but who then won't do the same for him.
I've been thinking a lot about our culture that has sold itself to an entitlement mentality. Everyone tends to put themselves first without really considering others. Even I'm guilty of this more often than I would probably like to admit.
So, as much as I would like for someone to go in and talk to my husband's coworkers about teamwork and dedication, I realize that it's important for me to think of where I could give more of myself as well. It takes the effort of individuals to make a team function at its best. And I am my own responsibility.
Thursday, October 18, 2012
Making Sense of Purpose
We often have goals for where we want to be in the next five years (lately, I've heard a lot about the "5-yr plan" wondering, "where's mine?"), but we can never really know where we will be in the next five years. I know that you know this, so stick with me here.
Lately, I have struggled to understand exactly what I am supposed to be doing with my life. I don't mean in five years, I mean right now. Anyone with me on this? I feel like an alien in the world I'm currently living, just waiting to feel acclimated to this life. I have so many questions like, am I where I am supposed to be in life right now? What's next? Where will I be in the next five years (or two, even)?
I know I'm not the only one who feels this way, but here on campus it seems everyone is just on their one-track paths booking it toward the finish line, and here I am wandering aimlessly without a distinctive path. It's just dried-up desert land. If I scream, will I be heard?
I take comfort, I have to take comfort, in knowing that even my thoughts are heard, and that when I cry out, it doesn't fall on deaf ears, or even merely soil. I am heard, and even though I don't know where I'm going right now, there is a plan set just for me, and I can't make the wrong decision.
I have this theory that even when we make the "wrong" decision, it's the right one. Sometimes taking the wrong path at first helps us see what we are really supposed to be doing in the long-run. When we experience failure, we learn what doesn't work, and in turn, what does. When we live in uncertainty, we learn to depend on God, and more deeply understand that we as humans know nothing and have no control over the long-term plans.
All we can do is continue to put one foot in front of the other, even if we are teetering like toddlers. If we fall, we'll get back up. If we go the wrong way, we'll find arms reaching out, waving us in another direction.
Here's a parallel for life from that example: Toddlers have very little, often no sense of danger. Parents are often seen running behind them, bent over with their arms out to guard them. When the little one comes to the top of a stairway, they have no clue that one misstep could send them toppling down the stairs, so they don't understand when their parents turn them in another direction. Like learning toddlers, we have no idea what danger the next step could bring. When we are turned in a different direction it's frustrating. But we have to recognize that we don't know what dangers the next step could have brought, and have faith that we're better off going whichever way we have been pointed, until the next re-direction.
This is how we can know our purpose. To continue taking everything in stride, working faithfully toward what we believe we are supposed to work for. If we are wrong, it will be made known in time, because our Father will always turn us back in the direction He wants us.
Keep working at what you're doing, and do it faithfully. It may seem insignificant now, it may be testing your patience, but stick with it and you will see the purpose of it all. It may take years, but if you're doing it, you have purpose.
Keep going. I will, too.
Lately, I have struggled to understand exactly what I am supposed to be doing with my life. I don't mean in five years, I mean right now. Anyone with me on this? I feel like an alien in the world I'm currently living, just waiting to feel acclimated to this life. I have so many questions like, am I where I am supposed to be in life right now? What's next? Where will I be in the next five years (or two, even)?
I know I'm not the only one who feels this way, but here on campus it seems everyone is just on their one-track paths booking it toward the finish line, and here I am wandering aimlessly without a distinctive path. It's just dried-up desert land. If I scream, will I be heard?
I take comfort, I have to take comfort, in knowing that even my thoughts are heard, and that when I cry out, it doesn't fall on deaf ears, or even merely soil. I am heard, and even though I don't know where I'm going right now, there is a plan set just for me, and I can't make the wrong decision.
I have this theory that even when we make the "wrong" decision, it's the right one. Sometimes taking the wrong path at first helps us see what we are really supposed to be doing in the long-run. When we experience failure, we learn what doesn't work, and in turn, what does. When we live in uncertainty, we learn to depend on God, and more deeply understand that we as humans know nothing and have no control over the long-term plans.
All we can do is continue to put one foot in front of the other, even if we are teetering like toddlers. If we fall, we'll get back up. If we go the wrong way, we'll find arms reaching out, waving us in another direction.
Here's a parallel for life from that example: Toddlers have very little, often no sense of danger. Parents are often seen running behind them, bent over with their arms out to guard them. When the little one comes to the top of a stairway, they have no clue that one misstep could send them toppling down the stairs, so they don't understand when their parents turn them in another direction. Like learning toddlers, we have no idea what danger the next step could bring. When we are turned in a different direction it's frustrating. But we have to recognize that we don't know what dangers the next step could have brought, and have faith that we're better off going whichever way we have been pointed, until the next re-direction.
This is how we can know our purpose. To continue taking everything in stride, working faithfully toward what we believe we are supposed to work for. If we are wrong, it will be made known in time, because our Father will always turn us back in the direction He wants us.
Keep working at what you're doing, and do it faithfully. It may seem insignificant now, it may be testing your patience, but stick with it and you will see the purpose of it all. It may take years, but if you're doing it, you have purpose.
Keep going. I will, too.
Tuesday, October 2, 2012
2000 Page Views!
Well hello there. After weeks of learning how to juggle life (and dropping things many times), I have some (at least to me) exciting news. My blog has had 2000 page views... as of today! It's also been somewhere around a year now since I started this blog. How lucky was I to log on and see this perfect number.
In celebration, I will go out to dinner this weekend.
Actually, I was already going to do that. This weekend is in fact Mr. Wonderful's birthday. Really, I'm so excited I could poo. (Name that quote in the comments below! Feel awesome for a day.)
I am finally getting into a rhythm being back in school, and thank the good Lord above, because I really felt like I was sinking. Drowning, actually, in paperback textbooks and guided reading assignments. Oh, and the poetry, Lord help me with the poetry!
I used to love writing poems. Really, I did. Until I found out that I suck at it. Does it matter how the "conventions" are if people legitimately like it already? Seriously... my self confidence has really taken a hit in my poetry class. And to be honest, I don't even like some of the "professional writer" poems that we read in class. They're dry. They're boring. They don't mean anything more to me than the stuff I write matters to my professor.
There are some really good poets, with poems so cleverly designed I can probably only dream of ever writing like them. When I try, oh boy... let's just say when a wanna-be poet sees a "C" on her first poem for poetry class, the emotion that gushes forth isn't pretty. I mean, come on, think poet here. Emotion... yeah. You'd think a good poem would come of that, but no, just goober and snot, and angry words on a page. Nobody wants to read your anger. Frustration, maybe, injustice, for sure. Angry words written to a college professor, nope!
Not to make you think poetry class is my life or anything. Poetry doesn't even take up a corner of my life, it's like 10%. Probably less, even. It's just the one that has broken me the most, maybe. The other classes are much more time-consuming and technical, and I won't burden you with the load of information I cram into my poor brain's throat every day. (Brains don't eat, I know this, but I'm a writing major, not biology, and just take in that visual, okay? Now you're getting it.)
I'm hoping sometime soon, I'll be able to clean my apartment and invite some friends over. Seriously, I haven't cleaned at all since we moved in (not that we've been home to make a mess), and I also haven't spent time with any of my dear ladies in over a month!
Oh, except for my dear German who was visiting last month! I'm so glad I could have her stay with me the last week. It was so much fun comparing how the school systems here and in Germany are so different. I so wish I would have had less work to do while she was staying with me.
Something must change about that. Soon. Very soon, things will be different. My apartment will be clean and the laughter of beautiful women and the smell of cheesy garlic bread and spaghetti will fill it.
So, as I have a battle of wills with God and my husband, who both tell me to do things contrary to what I would like to be doing (i.e. not suffering through schoolwork), I wish you all the best in your many endeavors. May you feel perfectly and pleasantly whelmed, nothing more, nothing less.
Here's to the next year of blogging.
In celebration, I will go out to dinner this weekend.
Actually, I was already going to do that. This weekend is in fact Mr. Wonderful's birthday. Really, I'm so excited I could poo. (Name that quote in the comments below! Feel awesome for a day.)
I am finally getting into a rhythm being back in school, and thank the good Lord above, because I really felt like I was sinking. Drowning, actually, in paperback textbooks and guided reading assignments. Oh, and the poetry, Lord help me with the poetry!
I used to love writing poems. Really, I did. Until I found out that I suck at it. Does it matter how the "conventions" are if people legitimately like it already? Seriously... my self confidence has really taken a hit in my poetry class. And to be honest, I don't even like some of the "professional writer" poems that we read in class. They're dry. They're boring. They don't mean anything more to me than the stuff I write matters to my professor.
There are some really good poets, with poems so cleverly designed I can probably only dream of ever writing like them. When I try, oh boy... let's just say when a wanna-be poet sees a "C" on her first poem for poetry class, the emotion that gushes forth isn't pretty. I mean, come on, think poet here. Emotion... yeah. You'd think a good poem would come of that, but no, just goober and snot, and angry words on a page. Nobody wants to read your anger. Frustration, maybe, injustice, for sure. Angry words written to a college professor, nope!
Not to make you think poetry class is my life or anything. Poetry doesn't even take up a corner of my life, it's like 10%. Probably less, even. It's just the one that has broken me the most, maybe. The other classes are much more time-consuming and technical, and I won't burden you with the load of information I cram into my poor brain's throat every day. (Brains don't eat, I know this, but I'm a writing major, not biology, and just take in that visual, okay? Now you're getting it.)
I'm hoping sometime soon, I'll be able to clean my apartment and invite some friends over. Seriously, I haven't cleaned at all since we moved in (not that we've been home to make a mess), and I also haven't spent time with any of my dear ladies in over a month!
Oh, except for my dear German who was visiting last month! I'm so glad I could have her stay with me the last week. It was so much fun comparing how the school systems here and in Germany are so different. I so wish I would have had less work to do while she was staying with me.
Something must change about that. Soon. Very soon, things will be different. My apartment will be clean and the laughter of beautiful women and the smell of cheesy garlic bread and spaghetti will fill it.
So, as I have a battle of wills with God and my husband, who both tell me to do things contrary to what I would like to be doing (i.e. not suffering through schoolwork), I wish you all the best in your many endeavors. May you feel perfectly and pleasantly whelmed, nothing more, nothing less.
Here's to the next year of blogging.
Wednesday, October 5, 2011
Divine Providence
Whoever says there is not a sovereign God is wrong. And I can tell you, He has a sense of humor. I have a job. As a substitute teaching assistant. The girl who has always told everyone she doesn't want to be a teacher now has a job doing what? Working in the classroom, with teachers. And already I have a full-time position in an elementary school that's practically in my back yard for my first two weeks of work. How wonderful.
On that note, happy birthday to my hunny! What could be a better birthday present than your spouse getting freaking job? Well, a vacation, maybe. But without gainful employment vacation would not be wise. This calls for celebration! The birthday boy loves pie, and loves Baker's Square, and the pie selection at Baker's Square, and they just happen to offer free pies with the purchase of a meal there on Wednesdays. And what is today? Wednesday! So where better to go than Baker's Square restaurant for FREE pie on my pie-loving husband's birthday?
A few months ago my father-in-law, the doc, gave us a gift card to Olive Garden, which is my favorite restaurant. So where will we be eating tonight to celebrate my new job? You guessed it. And I am going to order the same thing I always order when we go there, the Parmesan chicken, because it's sooooooo good. Now, my rule for myself is normally to order something different every time I go out somewhere, but I don't care that I've only tried one other entree besides that one and haven't ordered anything else there since. I will order it for the rest of my life as long as they serve it; it's my favorite meal, period.
I'll just say it now, with all this food I plan to consume today, I'm going to feel fat tomorrow. Roll me out of the restaurant tonight, don't expect me to eat at all tomorrow, and don't make me move for any reason. Just let me glory in the deliciousness of today without any worry or care. The time for regret is later. I choose not to look too far ahead. Definitely not past tonight's dinner.
Note: we are so full from tasty food and delicious pie, that we decided to move our Olive Garden dinner-date to lunchtime tomorrow. Another motivating factor was the thawed chicken in the fridge that needs to be cooked and eaten. Planning oops.
Now let me share a pondering with you. Like all these plans today, I had a lot of plans this last weekend. And after all of it was winding down, I realized something: we look so forward to doing things that excite us like having visitors, going to our favorite places, new places, seeing the people we love, and tasty meals... and they always end far too soon. As I was thinking of this I realized that every single thing we look forward to in life comes to an end, and it's just over. There's an unavoidable feeling of sadness at that point. I pondered this and it dawned on me that there is one thing in life some of us get to look forward to that will not let us down in the end. That one thing is the promise to believer's of Christ of going to be with our Creator someday. And that isn't going to end. The excitement and anticipation we feel now isn't going to climax when we make it there and then come to an end, but we get to enjoy it forever after our time here on earth. Isn't that wonderful? I think it's pretty remarkable. So whenever you're feeling a sense of loss at a good time having to end, just remember that there is something to look forward to beyond that, something so much better, that will never end. I'm pretty excited.
Blog #9, done! Toodles.
That's me, wearing my i.d. badge =)
On that note, happy birthday to my hunny! What could be a better birthday present than your spouse getting freaking job? Well, a vacation, maybe. But without gainful employment vacation would not be wise. This calls for celebration! The birthday boy loves pie, and loves Baker's Square, and the pie selection at Baker's Square, and they just happen to offer free pies with the purchase of a meal there on Wednesdays. And what is today? Wednesday! So where better to go than Baker's Square restaurant for FREE pie on my pie-loving husband's birthday?
A few months ago my father-in-law, the doc, gave us a gift card to Olive Garden, which is my favorite restaurant. So where will we be eating tonight to celebrate my new job? You guessed it. And I am going to order the same thing I always order when we go there, the Parmesan chicken, because it's sooooooo good. Now, my rule for myself is normally to order something different every time I go out somewhere, but I don't care that I've only tried one other entree besides that one and haven't ordered anything else there since. I will order it for the rest of my life as long as they serve it; it's my favorite meal, period.
I'll just say it now, with all this food I plan to consume today, I'm going to feel fat tomorrow. Roll me out of the restaurant tonight, don't expect me to eat at all tomorrow, and don't make me move for any reason. Just let me glory in the deliciousness of today without any worry or care. The time for regret is later. I choose not to look too far ahead. Definitely not past tonight's dinner.
Note: we are so full from tasty food and delicious pie, that we decided to move our Olive Garden dinner-date to lunchtime tomorrow. Another motivating factor was the thawed chicken in the fridge that needs to be cooked and eaten. Planning oops.
Now let me share a pondering with you. Like all these plans today, I had a lot of plans this last weekend. And after all of it was winding down, I realized something: we look so forward to doing things that excite us like having visitors, going to our favorite places, new places, seeing the people we love, and tasty meals... and they always end far too soon. As I was thinking of this I realized that every single thing we look forward to in life comes to an end, and it's just over. There's an unavoidable feeling of sadness at that point. I pondered this and it dawned on me that there is one thing in life some of us get to look forward to that will not let us down in the end. That one thing is the promise to believer's of Christ of going to be with our Creator someday. And that isn't going to end. The excitement and anticipation we feel now isn't going to climax when we make it there and then come to an end, but we get to enjoy it forever after our time here on earth. Isn't that wonderful? I think it's pretty remarkable. So whenever you're feeling a sense of loss at a good time having to end, just remember that there is something to look forward to beyond that, something so much better, that will never end. I'm pretty excited.
Blog #9, done! Toodles.
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